Vacation Countdown - 90 days

That's right. I am going on a massively expensive, wonderfully indulgent, super duper long, vacation. I am taking a 14 day cruise around the Caribbean followed by two extra days in Barcelona, Spain. That gives me 90 days to lose 20 pounds, so I not only look fantastic while I am doing it, but so I can also eat all the food I want and not worry.

Here's what I will be doing:
Mon, Oct 23 Fly out of Washington Dulles to Istanbul
Tue, Oct 24 Istanbul, Turkey -- 8:00 pm Board the boat Royal Caribbean
Wed, Oct 25 Mykonos, Greece 2:00 pm 10:00 pm Gawk at Greek men
Thu, Oct 26 Kusadasi (ephesus), Turkey 7:00 am 6:00 pm Do something turkish... coffee?
Fri, Oct 27 Santorini, Greece 7:00 am 9:00 pm Eat some real baklava and stare at more greek men
Sat, Oct 28 At Sea -- -- Eat, sleep, gamble, eat and sleep
Sun, Oct 29 Dubrovnik, Croatia 10:00 am 5:00 pm I haven't a clue
Mon, Oct 30 Venice, Italy 12:00 pm -- Run around like a nut trying to see everything
Tue, Oct 31 Venice, Italy -- 3:00 pm And again run around like a nut then get back on the boat
Wed, Nov 1 At Sea -- -- Eat, sleep, gamble, etc...
Thu, Nov 2 Naples, Italy 8:00 am 8:00 pm Food and wine day
Fri, Nov 3 Civitavecchia (rome), Italy 7:00 am 7:00 pm gelato and art day
Sat, Nov 4 Villefranche (nice), France 10:00 am 11:00 pm Food and wine day
Sun, Nov 5 Livorno (florence), Italy 7:00 am 7:00 pm gelato and art day
Mon, Nov 6 At Sea -- -- Eat, sleep, gamble, etc...
Tue, Nov 7 Barcelona, Spain 7:00 am -- Get off the boat, find hotel (Palace)
Spend two days wandering Barcelona.
Thurs, Nov 9 Board flight back to DC.

I only hope I live long enough to go on this trip. I can die happy when I get home. Oh, and random sex with a sexy italian would also be nice.

Work

A lot of it. No time to miss the Fool or to even do much dating. John is out of town anyway. I think I'm going to schedule a vacation to Italy tonight. I will write more when I get the chance.

Amy's party was wonderful and I wish she did it more then twice a year. If I had a big backyard, I would have a crab feast and invite everyone!

Anniversay

I have been away from the Fool site for one week and I can feel the compulsion fading. The knot in my stomach is going away and I feel that I am more focused and happy.

The more removed from it all I get the more outrageous their actions seem to be. It is just wrong to be cruel for no reason. To make someone feel like nothing. No person of quality would be comfortable doing that. And the bitterness was beginning to overwhelm me to the point where I felt like lashing out.

That is not who I am and I never want to turn into that person.

Now, looking forward. I might be meeting someone tomorrow that will make me very excited and happy to be dating. I don't want to mess it up by saying anymore.

Withdrawal

Today marks 4 days that I left what I will refer to at the torture room. It is so hard. I find myself wanting to go back just to see if anyone has noticed I'm gone yet. And if they have, what are they saying. But it's silly, because if they are talking about me, I'm sure it isn't kind.

I'm hoping it gets easier as time goes on.

Goodbye Forever

I have closed my account to the Fool website. The more time I spend there the more empty and bruised I feel. I don't understand why I don't fit in, but I don't. The good news is that I waste an awful lot of time there and I can put that time toward work and leisure now.

I will miss the friends I made on the site including my beer friend in the above picture. Hopefully they will be interested in staying in touch, but if not I will understand.

I need to close this chapter of my life and work on building up some confidence that I lost there. I feel hardened and bitter and hurt and I need to let those things go.

Good bye to the Fool!

Charles

I had a date with Charles tonight. We met at a local place in old town for drinks and dinner. I ended up not really eating since I had a large lunch, but I did have a couple of drinks.

He's a lawyer and actually we had a good time. He is smart and funny and was very complimentary. After dinner we walked down to the water front and chatted. He asked (and got) a couple of kisses.

I had a very nice time until about half way thru the walk. He started getting handsy and was definitely putting the moves on me. Well, I wasn't quite into it and the result is that I mostly felt like backing off. We walked back to the car and I told him I really needed to get going. He tried talking me into getting into his car and "talking" for a few minutes before I left, but I wasn't born yesterday. I told him I really needed to leave, gave him a goodbye hug and hit the road.

So I guess the question in my mind is, was he only being nice to me because he was hoping to get lucky or did he really like me? Was I turned off because I felt like he wanted sex or was I just not attracted to him?

I am so bad at dating.

Santa Fe

Today I drove up to Santa Fe to do some shopping and to eat at the best New Mexican Restaurant in the state. It was a bit weird at first. So many bad memories associated with this state.

As I was driving into town I passed by the bar my mom was working at the night she drove home and fell asleep at the wheel and died. The only time I have ever been there was the day my little sister and I went there to pick up her last check.

The city hasn't changed much. I drove past the park I played at as a child. My mom used to have a picture of me playing on one of the rocking horses when I was about two. The plaza is the same one I used to get stoned at and watch Shakespeare in the Park.

I stopped for lunch and had the worlds best burrito with both green and read chili. I topped it off with a glass of sangria. It is amazing to me how food that is so simple can make me feel so excited. There is really nothing like it anywhere.

At any rate, I spent the rest of the afternoon wandering in and out of galleries and shops. I picked up some new turquoise jewelry, a gorgeous hand panted pot and two Dia del Muerte figurines, one for me and one for my best friend. I also picked up some cooking supplies to bring home with me.

On the way home I stopped at the casino and won $100.

Coming home is always such an emotional thing. Actually driving thru my home town will give me a tummy ache. The only thing I can still love are my mountains and the forest. No bad memories associated with my time spent with nature.

I guess this is my BSC post of the day.

New Mexico

Right now I am sitting in the back yard at my parents home watching a thunderstorm roll in. It is 95 degrees with a slight breeze. The air is warm and I can't remember 95 degrees ever feeling so pleasant before. You can smell the rain even though it isn't actually raining here yet and it is mingling with the smell of the purple sage that grows in huge clumps.

My little dog is busy exploring every corner of the backyard and has discovered that occasionally there is a bunny to be chased.

I woke up early this morning and went out for my coffee and let myself have a muffin (vacation diet). Later when my mum woke up we headed out to the gym for a very satisfying workout. The gym is walking distance away and while the sun is very intense, it is nice to be outside.

There is a small park nearby where bailey can be let off leash to run and fetch her ball. We have already gone twice today and will probably go again before bed.

Now we are off to dinner at Hot Tamale, a New Mexican restaurant a few miles away. I can't wait and I hope the food is so hot that it makes me cry. Afterwards my dad and I are going to head out to the casino and play some poker.

It's days like this when I really miss living here, even if I don't particularly like Albuquerque. There is just something very special about New Mexico and I think it will always be a part of me. Maybe I will retire to Santa Fe when I am old and grey.