Celibacy

So, I ended things with Drew. It hurts, but I was basically torturing myself by trying to be casual about seeing him, but craving it at the same time. So I will need to go cold turkey. There are a couple of guys that I would date if they contacted me and asked, but I don't think I am going to seek them out. I am just going to focus on work and my health and weight loss (7.5 pounds down!). Yeah it sucks not being able to have some fantastic sex with a guy I really, really liked, but such is my life.

The boards are eating my soul away. I am overwhelmed by the negativity. I wish I was better at brushing it all off. I am way too sensitive and I am letting it affect my self confidence. I need to try to reverse that.

Tears

Today was a horrible day. I've already been feeling lonely and restless, but today we also found out that we are not likely to be paid for at least another month and I have apparently accidentally pissed off yet another person in the FAA. My client loves me, but has asked that I please try to be a bit more of a butt kisser when I am talking to folks. So I am not feeling stable at all. The company account will be empty in two weeks and my partner and I will be getting our last paycheck for who knows how long at that time.

Add to that another bad day on the boards as I try to finally hate Richard. I have tried to be cool and let things go. I have tried to joke and be light hearted. He hates me and it hurts so badly that I can't handle it. Then you get all the other folks throwing in their insults and I just crumble.

Drew came over to visit me before he left town for the weekend. He told me how pretty I am and held me while I let a few tears out. I adore him, but he is a bachelor and doesn't want a relationship and I just have to accept that.

I feel so incredibly sad and misunderstood. At least my dog still loves me.

Gym

15 minutes bike
4 sets of seated row
jumping squats
bench press
shoulder press 2 sets
lower back thingie
two sets of leg lifts/abs
stationary lunges
squats with knee to elbow cross
touching toes on balance ball
squats on balance ball
push ups

Eye candy was there and his name is Jeremy. I was bold and just asked his name while he was passing by. My trainer was in the middle of nagging me about doing 60 minutes of cardio every day and when he told me his name he smiled and told her he would be happy to help nag me.

He is so cute! I want to do naughty things to him.

And today is scone day!

Matchmaker

So a friend of mine has a friend she wants to try to hook me up with. I got an email from him this morning and I am already deciding I might not be interested. I am so pathetic. What are the things that turned me off?

I've been a physical education teacher at all levels for 34 years.

I could be wrong, but doesn't that mean he is probably in his early 50's at least? I think a possible 20 year age difference is a bit much for me.

I have three children two daughters (28 & 29 in June) and a son (26) who lives with me.

Again, he has to be much, much older then me to have children who are almost my age. Plus one of them is still at home. I'm not ready to be a step son who is the same age as a guy I dated last year.

And finally...

I enjoy movies (good comedy w/o the 'F' word

So he is also uptight. Not that I am a wild girl or anything, but I don't mind blue humor, I enjoy reading maxim and have been known to enjoy porn. It sounds like he is a bit too conservative for me.

Am I being too tough on him? I really don't know what to think of him.

Monday Photo

Double Date Day

The day started with brunch at the Chart House by the water front with Brian. He was actually very charming. We shared travel stories and talked about our families. He has beautiful big blue eyes. The meal lasted an hour and a half before we finally walked each other to the cars. He has already asked to see me again but is going to be traveling to the Czech Republic for a couple of weeks and will call when he gets back.

Then I came home and napped and met Eric at 4 for dinner and a movie. He was very sweet. I had a salad and then we went to see xmen 3. It was fabulous. We kissed and he went home.

Over all a very nice day.