I'm still here

Just haven't been writing in my diary for a while. Facebook has taken over for a while. But I'm sure I will be back.

Worries

So I am back at home for a few more days. I have been having trouble sleeping and feeling very anxious, so I decided to give myself some more time to recover.

I'm pretty sure that I am having withdrawal symptoms from the pain medication I was on.

All the same, I have been feeling upset about the whole situation. It is very scary to know that my life can be so easily destroyed. What if it was cancer and I couldn't go back to work for months? I would lose my home and everything else I own. It makes me question my decision to leave my marriage. Maybe it would be better to be in a situation where I would have a family to help take care of me. Maybe it is wrong for me to try to be so independent.

One thing is certain. I really need to get back to work and do my best to try to save money so I can handle emergencies. And I should try a little harder to get a federal position.

Anyway, I am feeling better today. I'm going to try not to worry about things I can't really control.

Healing

Well, my stomach pain turned out to be an ovarian cyst and landed me in the hospital. So they took out the parts and now I am officially in menopause. I'm still healing from the surgery and I can't wait until I am able to run and jump around again. For now, there is pain and I still get really worn out quickly. Worst of all, I can't ride. I have at least three more weeks before I can even think about starting.

Oh the bright side, no more PMS!

2010 Update

Introducing Quaker.

Well, the diet was bad for me. Definitely caused some health complications. I've decided I'm just going to keep on living. Who am I trying to impress? Life is too short to be worried all the time.

On a good note, I have been at the new job for four weeks now and things are going great. The drive is OK and I get home in time to walk Bailey. I'm getting used to having to wake up and dress every morning and I have had to buy a lot of new clothes for the office. But I am very happy with the folks I am working with and I look forward to learning a lot.

I have been working barn crew every other week and while it is grueling work, I am enjoying it. Hopefully finances will even out and all will be well with the world.

Success of a Sort

So it has been a tough go on this diet. Between the holiday travel and my occasional weakness, I have only lost 10 pounds. I have another 2 weeks on the plan and I really hope I can go down at least another 10. I think I am going to have to plan on doing this again in a couple of months. It really does work. The weight comes off and I don't really feel hungry. But the diet plan is very boring and that's what gets me. I just can't eat chicken, cucumber, tomatoes and an orange for every meal.

That being said, it is the first time I have been on a diet that has actually worked for me. So it is totally worth it.

It's a good day... so far.

I got an A in my class and I have lost 4.5 pounds in two days on my new diet. My evil mum sent me Christmas cookies and I cheated and had some yesterday, but today I am going to try to ignore them. My bronchitis is getting a little better. I hope it is gone by the end of the week.

UPDATE: My mum is not evil. I actually have been asking her to make me cookies for years. I asked again before the diet and she made them and sent them and they were dee-lish!

The diet is weird. I don't really feel hungry, but I do find myself wanting to eat out of habit. Or because there is something I really want to eat, like the cookies.

Here's a picture of the girls on our hike yesterday.

Just looking at this makes me drool.

Dinner at Tomasitas...

More pictures from New Mexico... I forgot to add them.

Will try to add some comments later.

Let it snow, let it snow.... ummm... Ok, you can stop now.

We just had our largest snow storm ever in December. I had to go out and shovel the drive three times. Snow total was over 18 inches. It's so deep, bailey can't walk in it. Here are some pictures. I would be enjoying it a lot more if a.) I wasn't sick with bronchitis and b.) I wasn't too fat to fit into my snow clothes.

But I have started a new aggressive diet and I hope to be down quite a bit over the next month. We shall see.

It's Official... I'm Certifiable.

I am unable to walk away from anything in distress. While walking in the forest with Bailey I noticed something very white in the path. I almost stepped on it. It turned out to be a beautiful white furry moth. It looked dead, but I didn't want to just leave it there to be smushed, so I picked it up and I was going to look at it and then place it off the path. Only when I picked it up, a couple of it's little legs twitched! We had some really bad wind and rain that day so I thought maybe it was cold or stunned from hitting something. So I put it in my hand and carried it and warmed it up. After 10 minutes or so, it woke up and started crawling around. So I found a nice bush and put it up out of harms way. I stopped by to check on him the next day and he was still alive and the next day he was gone. I hope he flew off to live a nice life. At least that is what I prefer to think.

Goodbye Forever Ambien!

I was so scared to do it. I love sleep and not getting it is a horrible experience for me. Ambien has always given me a guarantee that when I go to bed, that I will actually sleep.

Well, a week and a half ago I had a horrible experience with it. I did something unsafe on it and didn't realize it until morning. I knew it was time to get off it. I was just as addicted to it as I have ever been to any drug in my life.

So I stopped. A week and a half ago I stopped taking it cold turkey. AND I'M DOING GREAT! Sure the first few days were hard. I only got two hours of sleep the first night and only six the second night, but I have been sleeping full nights ever since. Of course it helps that I am working from home and can tweak my morning a bit now and then, but it still feels so good. It was so much easier then I thought it would be! I can't believe I was so scared of living without it.

I will never take it again. Not ever. I threw away all the rest of the pills and the prescriptions.

Next on my list... cigarettes. I have been smoking way too much lately and my lungs hurt in the morning. I can feel how hard it is for me to catch my breath when I walk with bailey. And it stinks! I may have to give up alcohol for a while since that is what triggers me the most. If the only time I ever smoke is when I am hanging with Kelly, that would be fine since I only see her once or twice a month now.

I am seriously considering taking dance lessons. I do love to dance and it is great exercise.

I'm loving all the babies in my life right now. Riley and Killian are so amazing to watch grow up. I can't wait to see my niece in December.

And Bailey is still making me happy as can be... as usual.

Colorado Trip - Drive to Chama

In Progress

Colorado Trip - Riley

My trip to Colorado and New Mexico was wonderful. The beginning of my trip was spent at my Sister's house in Fort Collins. My new niece is absolutely adorable. My first day there we took her and their dog, Ike, out to the local park. Ike is a total goof and adorable. The baby is an angel.






My Sister, Dawna.













Ike the dog/Muppet.

















Riley, the angel. :-)



















Baptism day!























Dad practicing his lines.
















Church (and no, I am not in flames as I take these pictures).
















Dawna and Riley with Godmom dressing for the ceremony.





















Riley and Godmom.




















Look! I can sit up all by myself!












On October 3rd, Riley was baptized. Here are a few videos of the event.

Fall Already?

Wow. This year has gone by fast! I am completely addicted to facebook now, so I haven't been posting here. But I need to. Facebook is a time sink and I would rather post my thoughts here where I can really record my thoughts.

First a few updates. I leave for New Mexico and Colorado in three days. I'm going to start at my sister's house and meet my new niece Riley. Then I am going to drive down to Chama and spend a couple of days in my home town. I just want to get some pictures and ride the train before the cold sets in. Then I am going to head down to Santa Fe before ending the trip with my 'rents in Albuquerque. It's going to be a long 12 days without Bailey, but hopefully it will go by fast.

Looking for my next job. I keep getting an offer from a company over the phone, but they have yet to actually send me the actual job offer. So who knows what's going to happen. I was getting ready to close the business, but a friend of my ex-partner wants to see if he can use my company to get some work since I am 8(a) certified. I just don't feel very excited about it.

Mila is doing well with her repaired leg and Kelly and Killian are doing well. Killian broke his leg, but I think he is getting the cast off this week. Initially, I was worried about him, but when I saw him it went away. It did not slow him down AT ALL.

Nothing is happening in the dating front, as usual.

Sunyi married Egil and is now in Stockholm with him. The strong group of friends I had centered around her seems to be unraveling a little. I need to make sure I am not isolating myself so much.

Riding is going well. I am still going twice a week and while it is challenging at times, I love it. Other then walking Bailey, it is pretty much the only exercise I am doing now. I'm just feeling very blah about a lot of things lately. Hopefully, I will find my next job soon so I can keep paying for it!

I ran across my old boyfriend, Keith, on the internet this week. One of the great loves of my life, he is married now and living in LA. It was so nice to chat with him. I'm glad he is doing well. I had been wondering about him a lot lately.

I still love my house, but every once in a while, I wish I was still a renter so I could move more easily. I really don't want to deal with DC traffic anymore, but finding a job down in this area has proven to be very difficult. I may have to actually suck it up and deal with it.

That's about it. I am including some pictures I took of Bailey this morning in old town. It was so nice we went into town to run errands and stopped at the park. Love that pup!

Oh! I also include some pictures from the park near my house. The light was especially nice and there were these two really cute tree frogs hanging out together. So cute!